Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
