He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
