my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize