If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize