So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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