I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
