well I can't set my house on fire every night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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