Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
