she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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