Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize