i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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