I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
