Don't make out with my wife yet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize