I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
