We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize