Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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