all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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