I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
