he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
