how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We have so much sex to catch up on
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
