Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
