the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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