thus making me awesome and them whores
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
