its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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