the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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