I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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