I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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