I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
