So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
