Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
