well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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