I wish my penis had an off switch
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
