we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
third nipple confirmed
Everclear isn't food dammit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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