you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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