you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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