If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
