apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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