Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
