I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
