Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Actions speak louder than pants.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
