the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
