The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Someone signed my nipple.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
