Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
