So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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