there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
