In the future we'll all be gay
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
