He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
