She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize