This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize