quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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