well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
