in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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