just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
