get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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