come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My dick has a subreddit
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
