Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
