Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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