Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
