So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
