I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
