Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
