she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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