so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
