Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Less talking, more tequila
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
