We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
