Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
