my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
