the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
